2014 World Championships - Edmonton, Canada.

Friday, August 29. Room 1243 of the Westin Edmonton. Cross legged leaning against a headboard.

News of teammate and training partner, Declan Wilson’s withdrawal had been broken to me.

Nervously glancing around the room, my ears replete with a dull humming sound. A rush of emotions and scenarios meandered through my mind at a million miles an hour. Seconds of silence seemed to last for hours.

I had spent the last month and a half mentally preparing and revisiting the ‘play-book’ I’d created in my mind. Each and every intricate and realistic detail of dozens of scenarios had been carefully though out. I was calm, confident and prepped, mentally, for however the race was to pan out.

I witnessed first hand the struggles he has had and the hard work he put in. So initially I was devastated for Declan and upset that he was forced to withdraw. That threw me out a bit as I had done what I had to, to ensure I was physically ready to carry out my roll as a domestique.

“The race is yours now”.

That was the icing on the cake.

Have I done enough? What if I don’t perform? What if I don’t run like I have been in training? Will I make the front pack? What if I’m off the back, do I bust my ass or do I be conservative?

This playbook was barely visible at the bottom of the shelf shrouded by a thin layer of dust accumulated over the years.

I gazed with what felt like an anxiously blank look back and forth to Danielle and Declan following every word, concentrating like I never thought I could. Desperately trying to suppress the panic thoughts.

They spent a good half hour reassuring me. I had done the work. I had earned my spot on the team. Nobody else deserved it more than I did. I am in ‘career-best’ form. The numbers add up in training.

The only piece missing was confidence. All I needed was to back myself and I would have a fantastic race.

Before I could blink I was stepping off my bike down at the race area with Cam the mechanic leading Kenji and I through the crowds and to the gates of the athlete check in area…

It’s hard to remember there onwards.

Wednesday, September 10. Bella Natural Food co in Terrigal, New South Wales. Presently in AEST.

Tucked away in the corner sipping coffee brewed by a fellow athlete who was able to secure a job, I find myself trying to tap into blurred memories. Once I left athlete check-in I went on autopilot right until I received an elbow from hell to the right eye and suffered water filled left goggle.

I’ve chosen to repress the memory from there until putting my feet in my shoes on the bike.

Saturday, August 30. Emily Murphy Park Rd NW, Edmonton, Canada. Aboard the majestic TCR Advanced SL1

Sent straight from god himself, Simon Viain.

I raced Simon in Holten, Netherlands. He had a successful solo break away and put quite a bit of time into the pack. So when I saw him pass me I thought, ‘ you beauty’. I jumped on his wheel and composed myself over the next 45 seconds as he dragged us closer to two athletes just ahead. At this point he glanced back, not seeking assistance. Just seeing who was on. I left it for a few more seconds as we closed in on the two ahead of us. I timed my turn so he was beside me resulting in a hard acceleration by the other two or consequently not getting on our wheel.

I could see up the road and all I noticed was scattered athletes, one or two here and there just before a left sweeping downhill off-ramp. I wasn’t sure on the skill and confidence of the guys we were dragging around so I moved to the front as we neared the left-hander. I took it exceptionally well and passed an athlete at a decent pace. Once it straightened out I looked back and saw a gap, to the 3 or 4 that was our pack, being lead by Simon. So I didn’t back off, I knew he would jump on urgently and sit for a bit.

We had rounded up a couple more athletes once we completed the first of two 11km loops. Heading out on the reasonably flatter sections before the hill we were working exceptionally well bar 1 or 2 passengers. We hit the hill and I moved to the front. I had done a lot of hill work so I wanted to take control here and play at my strengths. Once we hit the switch back I flicked my elbow and Simon came through for the final few hundred gradually inclining meters. I had to get up and accelerate onto his wheel, this was the first and only time had to work real hard and I thought, ‘shit, gonna have to put in some so he doesn’t get rid of me’.

We crested and took the multiple corners through to the next straight. We passed through a tunnel and picked up a few more athletes there. And I glanced back to see our pack catching back up. We had been able to see the front pack for the majority of the second lap, reeling them in quite quickly. I took the left hand corner after we exited the tunnel; at this point we were no more than 100 meters down on the front pack. I called the other guys through and Simon pulled through quite solidly. Nobody was on his wheel so I looked back and they were all sitting on me, expecting a free ride.

“What the **** you lazy ***** pull through, there right there”

That proved unsuccessful. I dropped back deliberately hoping to spark some adrenaline in some of them but that didn’t work either they all started looking at each other. I saw Simon was on the pack so I jumped from the back and flew past the pack and held a max effort for about 30 seconds till I was on. As I got there I was thought, “WHAT have I done?”

There was another little hill coming up and I was praying for a solid ride up it instead of a tactical approach. Another sprint would have hurt me a lot.

The rest of the bike was quite easy. I figured nobody is going to manage a break away now so what’s the point in wasting any more energy.

We rolled around the next 4 x 5.6km loops. Every now and then there was a jump off the front but none of them were an out of the saddle effort for me. Things got pretty chaotic in the final few kilometers, I did what I could to move toward the front without risking anything. I was feeling pretty good so I didn’t want to jeopardize the chances I feel I had.

The dismount line followed a sharp right and left hand corners so things could have been disastrous. I was on the inside for the right-hander and outside for the left. People were throwing a leg over in between the two corners, having to take a hard left with your inside leg down and all your weight on the left seemed like a pretty unwise decision to me. So I shot around on the outside and prepared for a fast dismount. All went to plan and gained a few places. All that work was quickly undone; I may as well have been trying to fit my feet into empty ketchup sachets.

Eventually I made it out with a small deficit. After months and months of reflection and discussion coupled with hard work my brain finally clicked. I usually just think alright, lets chip away at this, instead something just clicked and I thought to myself,

“There’s no reason why you can’t”

I used the rise out of transition to catch the tail end of the group and move a few places up. The road drifted left and we glided with it into a slight dipper and onto the downhill section.

“Shit, I’m feelin pretty good right now. This is awesome”

I decided I wanted to move further through the pack. A rush of adrenaline came over me and I accelerated hard and sat back in. I held my position as we flew down to the turn around.

The first signs of pain hit me on the return ascent. I managed to hang on as we crested and went over the dipper and headed back into transition.

Lap 2 was a bit more of a struggle; I lost contact with the pack on the rise out of transition and furthermore coming up the hill from the turn around. I lost about 20 seconds on the lead group and went through 5km in about 15:30.

For the next lap and a half I managed to jump on the shoulder of the young Canadian, Tyler Mislawchuk. He eventually got rid of me through the Canadian filled grandstand/finish chute and roads leading in and out.

I began to fall apart from this point, despite this I completely emptied the tank and pushed hard for a 12^th place finish and first Aussie across the line in the u23 race.

“Not bad for a domestique”

-       Keiran Barry

“See, you do belong here”

-       Danielle Stefano